Saturday, November 5, 2011

Something Borrowed

A while ago, my amazing Lauren recommended "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffin, and I decided to pick it up for plane reading for my recent trip to India. I really enjoyed the book--it is a simple read, it is an easy story to slip into, and it is just good "chick-lit".

Tonight, I had the evening to myself, so I decided to make it a RedBox and pizza night. I usually have to view every movie in both RedBoxes at my local grocery store before settling one one, but as soon as I saw "Something Borrowed" on the very first screen, I grabbed it. The movie follows the same general plot of the book, but a lot of major details are changed or left out altogether, which annoyed me to no end. But there was something about the movie that just seemed so different than the book, and I think it was the fact that I feel like I identify so much more with Rachel's character on film than I do in print (not that I slept with my BFF's fiance or anything...). And now that the movie is over, I'm just feeling sad.

All throughout the movie, Rachel flashes back on various moments, most of which involve times with her and Dex (her BFF's fiance) and how she covered up her feelings, smiled through tears, and time and time again, bowed out gracefully. I don't know why she did it--the storyline doesn't go there--but I do know that for myself, it's always been to save face and to protect myself and to not leave myself vulnerable.

I'm not worried about sleeping with my BFF's fiance on my 30th birthday (because, mainly, my BFF is happily married with a kid), But I don't want to end up like Rachel. Though she always took the graceful highroad, she's spent too much time sad, in last place, and comparing herself to others--a story that feels too close to home.

When it rains, it pours. School is absolutely kicking my tail this semester. Like, bending me over its knee and spanking me with a hairbrush. It's awful. And within the last 2 1/2 weeks, my brother got arrested, my Nana has been hospitalized, and my aunt died. On top of other things I'm unwilling to put in writing for the world to see, it's been a hail storm of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad. With all that's coming my way, and with many things making me feel so isolated and alone here in Carolina, retreating home alone with my tail between my legs has become routine. Who is this girl?!

I'm tired. I'm tired of a lot of things. And there are a lot of things that I just can't change. But starting like...right now...I'm gonna carpe the snot outta this diem. I'm no longer (hopefully. maybe. we'll see.) going to gracefully bow out into the shadows. Put ya stunna' shades on, folks. It's time to shine!

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