Being Single In the Ministry

Let me just tell you. It's stinkin' hard.

I remember when I made it to the final round of interviewing at the church. I was sitting at a conference table with six (maybe more) people being asked all sorts of questions and the pastor asked me something about how I was going to balance the church with my personal life. He then told me that there would be people who would see me as a single woman and expect much, much more of me and my "loads" of free time. However, having my time taken advantage of has not been an issue at all since I've been at the church (most people are quick to offer the "you have friends and school" excuse before I even think it). No, the hardest part of being single in the ministry is....

being single.

And boy, do people like to point it out. I didn't go to a dinner event at church once and a member asked me the next Sunday where I was and I explained that it was a "couples thing" and "since I'm not part of a couple..." and she said "Why not? It can't be THAT hard to find someone!"

Thanks for that.

And we recently had a family camping trip (and, aside from the fact that I don't camp...) not only do I not own camping supplies, but I don't have the family, either. Again, I was asked why I didn't go... It just makes me feel weird. I know I'm part of the "church family" and I never sit by myself for too long before someone invites me to join, but I always feel like a leach or a party crasher.

Maybe I'm just homesick.

Or maybe I haven't gotten past the idol of marriage and a family.

Even today, a seminary student came by the church to interview the staff members for a paper he was writing and he asked me how I balanced my church responsibilities with my own relationship and children. I (perkily) said "Oh! I'm single." and he gave me the awkward "oh..." and stared at the floor before he apologized to me.

Now, I know what y'all outside of the ministry staff and/or seminary culture may be thinking..."25 is still way young, you have your whole life ahead of you"...but inside the ministry staff/seminary culture, I might as well be a spinster..my eggs have probably expired by now, anyway.

I just wanted to put it out there...it's hard walking in these shoes. Just please let me hold your babies a little while longer. And, for the love of Pete, stop telling me that "One day, when you least expect it..." because if that's the case, he'll never get here; I'm always wishing for Prince Charming to be serving the Lord right next to me.