Cooking With Bekah: Ratatouille Soup!

Something Borrowed

A while ago, my amazing Lauren recommended "Something Borrowed" by Emily Giffin, and I decided to pick it up for plane reading for my recent trip to India. I really enjoyed the book--it is a simple read, it is an easy story to slip into, and it is just good "chick-lit".

Tonight, I had the evening to myself, so I decided to make it a RedBox and pizza night. I usually have to view every movie in both RedBoxes at my local grocery store before settling one one, but as soon as I saw "Something Borrowed" on the very first screen, I grabbed it. The movie follows the same general plot of the book, but a lot of major details are changed or left out altogether, which annoyed me to no end. But there was something about the movie that just seemed so different than the book, and I think it was the fact that I feel like I identify so much more with Rachel's character on film than I do in print (not that I slept with my BFF's fiance or anything...). And now that the movie is over, I'm just feeling sad.

All throughout the movie, Rachel flashes back on various moments, most of which involve times with her and Dex (her BFF's fiance) and how she covered up her feelings, smiled through tears, and time and time again, bowed out gracefully. I don't know why she did it--the storyline doesn't go there--but I do know that for myself, it's always been to save face and to protect myself and to not leave myself vulnerable.

I'm not worried about sleeping with my BFF's fiance on my 30th birthday (because, mainly, my BFF is happily married with a kid), But I don't want to end up like Rachel. Though she always took the graceful highroad, she's spent too much time sad, in last place, and comparing herself to others--a story that feels too close to home.

When it rains, it pours. School is absolutely kicking my tail this semester. Like, bending me over its knee and spanking me with a hairbrush. It's awful. And within the last 2 1/2 weeks, my brother got arrested, my Nana has been hospitalized, and my aunt died. On top of other things I'm unwilling to put in writing for the world to see, it's been a hail storm of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad. With all that's coming my way, and with many things making me feel so isolated and alone here in Carolina, retreating home alone with my tail between my legs has become routine. Who is this girl?!

I'm tired. I'm tired of a lot of things. And there are a lot of things that I just can't change. But starting like...right now...I'm gonna carpe the snot outta this diem. I'm no longer (hopefully. maybe. we'll see.) going to gracefully bow out into the shadows. Put ya stunna' shades on, folks. It's time to shine!

Sit Down!

I saw this quote while I was Pinteresting this morning:

Our professors have been beating the guys over the head HARD for the past couple of semesters. There is an astounding lack of strong, godly, manly men, both in society and in churches. They joke around in their exhortation sometimes, but they mean business. Doc challenges guys to "man up" at least once a week via Twitter, more often in class, every morning when a guy skips his 7am workout group, and practically every time he's given a microphone. The guys either grunt in concurrence or whimper in guilt and the girls cheer and clap.


We love manly men.


But my charge is to the women: How can we expect guys to STAND UP and BE MEN if we aren't willing to sit down and be ladies?


Humility, gentleness, quiet spirits, submission...those are NOT weak words! They are words of strength empowered by the Holy Spirit, Himself.


Be who you were created to be to the glory of the One who made you!

Kaci Made Me Do It

So today, Kaci wrote on my Facebook wall and told me to blog. It's as if she knew I had something on my mind that I've not been willing to put into writing...

There are a few areas of my life where I feel like God is calling me into deeper purity and deeper surrender. I won't delve into all of them, but there is one in particular that is scaring the mess out of me. I don't want to let it go. I mean, I say I want God to be in control of this item and I really do only want His best for me regarding this, but letting go of it, I mean COMPLETELY relinquishing control of it is terrifying. What if He takes it and never gives it back? I know He is faithful and sovereign and that His will is perfect and if it is His will to take it and never give it back, then I don't want any alternative...but I'm having a hard time giving it over and walking away.

The world definitely has its opinion on this subject, and pretty much everyone at Southeastern has their own opinions, and everyone has their advice and cliches...But what I need everyone to have is prayers for me regarding this. I feel so dumb even considering writing this down, but Satan is working a number on me here, so I'm shedding light on this situation.


Will you shine with me?


I can't date anymore. I just can't. And I'm not saying "I can't" like "I can't handle it" or "I don't want to handle it" or "Boys are drama"...but I mean...for the sake of my heart, my sanity, my mind, and my thought-life, I just can't date anymore, spend one-on-one time alone with a guy (even if he is "just a friend") or do anything that gives the appearance to others that I'm dating. (side note: Nothing has happened, I haven't "done" something or "gone too far"; This is not about anything physical at all). I'm not "swearing off men" or anything drastic. Actually, I really don't even know what I'm doing, but I do know what I'm NOT doing (for now, at least) and that is being casual with men.

I sincerely love my guy friends here in The Forest. I have some incredible neighbors and wonderful brothers at church and I thoroughly enjoy spending time and doing life with them, but appearances are being twisted and as soon as I'm by myself, Satan uses so much against me. One of my neighbors asked me to dinner this past weekend; We were asked three separate times if we were married and we were asked so many other times if we were engaged, I lost count. We laughed about it and he began calling me "wife" and "Mrs. His Last Name", and then he started calling me those names in front of our friends, and then the next day, he started calling me those names in front of new people we had just met then we went out to dinner with this big group of people...and while he was calling me those things, he was flirting HARD with one of the other girls.

What?!

Now, I KNOW there was no commitment and no expectation between us, but how did it look for him to say those things to me and then say other things to another girl? And what on earth made so many people think we were so serious about one another?! Appearances mean a lot!

Out of my "core group" of friends here, there are two guys that I've spent a considerable amount of "alone time" with--at coffee shops, at dinner, at the movies, etc Again, no commitments, no expectations-- just time to get to know one another and to have fun...

But I can't have it both ways--I can't casually share time with multiple people and then feel let down when they share their time with someone besides me. That's not fair for me to do that. But oh my gosh. I'm not cut out for this.

Number 1--I can't detach. Sorry I'm not sorry--it's just how I work. I don't know how to truly "be casual" (and really, SHOULD I be? Since when were we called to "casually" deal with one another?)

Number 2--I'm not "one of the guys" (this kind of goes with Number 1). Last night, the guys from my building were watching a scary movie. They sent a mass text invite, but I was the only girl who attended. They were all REALLY scaring me and I was getting upset and my "husband" defended me. Multiple times, he made them stop and afterward, he walked me back home. And then he burped. And then he said "Whoa! That was a big one!" And then he turned to go back home. Um. Really!? Gross. And then Satan told me "He thinks your gross. He doesn't really think you're a girl worthy of respect. To him, you're just another dude. All those guys think you're one of them." whatapunk. That did absolutely nothing for my ego. I should have walked home alone.

Number 3--I'm still not yet in a place where I am confident in my own skin. When I see one of "my guys" talking to another girl, I don't feel jealous; I feel disgusting. I instantly see every way in which she is prettier, smarter, thinner, and funnier than me....and then I go home and beat myself up. For me, it's either black or white. I'm in or I'm out, but mostly, I just live in a constant state of feeling like I don't measure up.

I can't handle this. I don't know why Satan chose my body and my singleness as his methods of attack, but he did. He is the father of lies and lately, I've allowed him to get too good at his job.

As a disciple of Christ, I have been chosen by Him and I have been set apart for Him. He and His truths are supposed to captivate me--not His creations (men) and not the lies of the enemy. For now, casual dating/casual alone time with guys is preventing Jesus from being my captivator and allowing Satan to be my captor. Every time I give into his lies, I'm sinning. I'm saying that I don't trust God and His timing, I'm saying that His work (me) is messed up, I'm saying He has not made me new and called me worthy. Every second I waste thinking and analyzing is a second I steal from the Lord; They're seconds I should be meditating on His goodness.

So, I can't date. For the sake of my heart, my sanity, my mind, and my thought-life--For the sake of my purity and sanctification--I must remain single and I must not give off the appearance of "relationship". So for now, dating is "out", being casual is "out", all of it--OUT.

And that scares me. I'm 26. My eggs are expiring ;) justkiddingmaybenotreally I don't know when/where/how I'm supposed to meet someone, but I have to let go of this for now. I have to stop trying to make this happen. I have to stop looking for it. I have to truly hand it over. Drop it like it's hot at the feet of Jesus (that maybe is not the best choice of words...) and RUN from it. I made this commitment the evening of September 10 and it's been a constant battle in my mind to cast out thoughts, lies, daydreams, what-ifs.

Galatians 5:1 says "It is for freedom that Christ set us free; Therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery."

My relationship status does not control my life. My physical appearance does not control my life. These are yokes I will not be taking up again. 

Any would-be-suitor should be prepared to pursue hard and to be very intentional.

So pray for us. Pray for our strength. Pray for our trust in and obedience to the Lord's timing.

Mr. and Mrs. Gordon-to-Be!

Whitney is (was) one of my roommates at seminary. This weekend, she and Jesse are getting married!

Friday night, we threw her a way-fun lingerie shower. One of my other roomies, Elizabeth, baked cookies and we decorated them for the occasion!

Lots of fun was had!

...And those panties are already making their way around campus housing!! 

Congrats, Whitney and Jesse! Can't wait for your big day!

My body rejected me in front of everyone.

Tonight absolutely sealed the deal.

I have struggled with weight my entire life and I've dealt with it in many ways. I developed earlier than the other girls my age and having noticeable boobs and hips as an elementary schooler made me extremely self-concious. I always felt so awkward. And then in middle school, the kids got really mean. I remember this one boy, Tim Holmes, tormented me every single day because of my weight. I remember every name he called me. He is the reason I have convinced myself, even to this day, that I am undesirable and than no man will ever call me "beautiful". And I know all the cliches and things that well-intentioned friends will say to this,  but let's be honest. I haven't been asked on a real date in seven years. By the time I got to high school, I became so withdrawn and shy because my confidence was so low. I was absolutely convinced that I probably disgusted everyone as much as I disgusted Tim, so I tried to keep my distance. I allowed my weight to  keep me from going to homecoming dances and I allowed my issues to keep me from spending one single minute with my date, Jon, at Prom. The only people I felt comfortable with were gay men because I didn't have to worry about impressing them because I knew they weren't interested in dating me, and they were different than the girls because with them, I didn't have to worry about the fact that I couldn't wear the same fashions or dish about the dates I wasn't going on or the kisses I wasn't having. I was safe. Which, as you can imagine, lead to a pretty dysfunctional learning experience regarding dating.

I was pretty bummed that I didn't get accepted to UGA, but at the same time, I was excited to be the only one in my graduating class of 832 to attend CSU. I was ready for a change. I was ready for a new start. I was ready to be at a school where the students hadn't known me for 13 years as "the quiet fat girl".

CSU brought many new experiences into my life. My first day on campus, I met a great guy and fell pretty hard for him. Nick was handsome and we got along so well. I loved spending time with him and he was always such a fun date and I loved his family; And he would later join an ever-growing list of guys I invested in who later revealed his homosexuality. Early into my freshman year, a beautiful senior named Ellen passed me a note through a mutual friend inviting me to rush, citing that she believed I'd be a great addition to Phi Mu. I was floored. I was also absolutely convinced that she was playing a prank on me. I wrote her so many notes in response (that I never had the nerve to give to her) declining her invitation because I didn't believe for a second that I would be accepted by a sorority. Because I couldn't muster up any truly decent excuses, I rushed. When I made it through every. single. night. of rush and was "preffed" by every sorority on campus, because of my weight, I honestly believed that every sorority was "in" on the prank; That I was the girl picked to go through rush to be the one everyone made fun of. However, and mainly because of Ellen Najjar, Erin Burns, and Lora and Melissa McCurley, though I could have worn any letters, I "suicided" Phi Mu when I filled out my bid card. The next night (Bid Night), all through my Phi period, and right up until the very last second of initiation, I was waiting for the ball to drop. But it never did. And for the first time in my life, I felt like someone saw past the fat and picked me and loved me for ME. For the first time, I felt validated. And for the first time, I had a social life. I was invited to parties and I was in all the pictures, I was on top of the social ladder at my University (and everyone knew it. I mean, come on. We were PHI MUS!)

But beyond my letters, I was still the fat, quiet girl. Bekah The Phi Mu got to do whatever she wanted, but just plain Bekah practically didn't exist. I watched my best friend and Lil Sis, a beautiful dancer with a heart of gold, have her pick--with everything--clothes, guys, what to do on Friday night. Please don't hear me wrong--I absolutely do not resent her (or any of my Sisters or friends), but it was pretty obvious that there was a difference between she and I. And it wasn't simply "that I was fat", but I know it's because she exudes confidence and grace and I am still convinced that no one could actually want me-- as a partner, as a friend, as a whatever. I'm still waiting for someone to see past my "million dollar smile", "perfect hair", sorority letters, "creativity", intelligence. I am thankful for those qualities, truly, and I take pride in them, but I am waiting on my whole package to be validated. I am waiting to feel worthy, myself, of validating myself. What disgusting lies Satan throws my way.

But I do, I really do, feel so stuck inside my body.

Toward the end of college, I began to meet people outside of the Greek system and I formed some really incredible friendships with people in the ministry who I remain "family-kinda-close" with even still. My Souled Out family, specifically, and the people who came to Bible Study at Sarah Jane's house are what makes my heart break when I think about no longer living in Georgia. I met a man who knocked me off my feet like no one has. He's handsome and godly and ridiculously smart and hilarious. I respect him more than any man, other than my father that is. Nathan quickly became a very good friend and he literally was the hardest part about leaving Columbus. Part of me still wonders what would have been if we had more time. Part of me wants to believe that with just a little more time, he would have fallen for me like I fell for him. But more of me knows that that's probably not true; I never would have allowed him to get close enough to fall. You see, my weight is not just a wall that keeps me away from others; It's also a wall that keeps others out. I like to act strong, confident, and self-assured, but it's one of the many masks I wear. Nathan never once made me feel like "less". If anything, he has made me feel more valued than many other have, but I really do still believe the things Tim said to me in the seventh grade. I have resigned myself to believing that no good man will ever treasure me proudly, that no one is actually my friend (that they're just being nice because we're in seminary or at church and you have to be nice and inclusive in those places), and that I will always be alone because of my dress size. I really do believe that I'm a great girl. Just not great enough.

After college, my life has just been so confusing. I met a guy who told me all the time how beautiful I was. Finally. An attractive, straight man who made it clear. He would go out of his way to spend so much time with me and to help me with things. And he always knew how to get a smile onto my face and he did everything he could to keep it there. After I moved to North Carolina, D confessed that he was never actually into me. And I mean, honestly, I knew him for a year and then I moved away. I wasn't realistically "looking for something" with him, it was always casual, but again, as you can guess, this is another one of those instances that Satan uses as he twists the truth and tries to convince me, yet again, that I am just not worthy enough.

Don't read me incorrectly. I am not trying to say that my worth is only found in the love of a good man. I KNOW that's not what defines or decides my worth. I know that NO ONE on this Earth can make me feel truly worthy. I know that my only worth comes from Christ Jesus. I know that to feel unworthy makes His handiwork small, denies His abilities and purposes, and says that He's not enough. That's why my struggles with weight are so disgusting. It's not simply that I am overweight--though I recognize that being overweight is an indication that I haven't been a good steward of the body and of the resources that the Lord has given me--which is why I've been on this journey for the last year to become healthy. I want my life, including my body and how I feel about my body, to be glorifying to the Lord. I want to be pleasing in His sight.

I also recognize that this is way more than a weight issue.

In the last year, I  have lost 30 pounds and 5 dress sizes. People tell me almost every week how much thinner I look. And though I love it and I appreciate the encouragement, I'm not satisfied by those words. I am so much stronger than I was this time last year. With the encouragement of Dr. Reid, I have done P90X TWICE (which is ridiculous in and of itself) and with the time and training I've received from Katharine Ray, I've been running; I ran my first race last week! And though my time wasn't incredible, I COMPLETED a 5k, I wasn't anywhere close to being in last place, and I felt amazing.

But it's not enough. I'm realizing now that it is no longer about numbers--numbers on the scale, numbers inside on my dress tags, numbers on the race clock, numbers of miles run. It's about rest, peace, and freedom...and I'm not there.

I am not free. I am trapped in a body that doesn't work well, partially because it's too big and partially because its lungs are too weak. Tonight, I began "speed training" with Monty. Yes. I have two running coaches now. After about 5 times around the track, I began feeling really weird. Not just tired or fat or whatever, but not safe. I told Monty and he was encouraging and allowed me to slow down, though I hated not being able to keep up with Amanda and I hated that Katharine was watching me--I didn't want to disappoint her. After two more laps of walking and cooling down, I hit the ground. The world was spinning, the grass was covered in sparkling polka dots, and I felt tingly. Katharine was diplomatic, as usual, telling me to not be discouraged because I'm getting over a cold and I wasn't breathing well because I had been sick, which is absolutely the truth, but I don't need ANOTHER excuse to fail. Yes, I've been sick, yes I have asthma, yes it's over 95 degrees and really freakin humid, blah blah blah. Excuses. Yes. I'm fat on top of all of that. OH MY STARS! I am so tired of being TRAPPED in this body and I am so tired of having excuses for why it limits me.

I sat in the grass and just cried. Maybe I was able to be stealthy enough and wipe away my tears in a manner than made it look like I was wiping off sweat, but I am just so sad with the state I am in and I am sad of my body holding me back. I'm tired of being weak and incapable and I am tired of not being enough and I am tired of having excuses, no matter how legitimate they are.

I gathered myself and we all walked up the stadium steps and got into our cars. And then it hit me. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I was gasping and I absolutely could not take a single breath. I panicked and flung my car back into the parking space. I don't even remember what happened, but I suppose that Amanda jumped out and ran to get Monty and Katharine because the next thing I knew, Katharine was holding a wet cloth on my face and Monty had taken off my shoes and was pouring cold water all over my feet. My weak body rejected me in front of everyone. I was miserable and just so, so embarrassed. I had forgotten what an asthma attack felt like--it's been at least 12 years since I've had one, but I was absolutely terrified.

But that's it. I'm done.

Here is a list of things I can't do:
-I can't decide  how people REALLY feel about me
-But I can't worry myself over that.
-I can't keep living in fear of people
-I can't keep believing that I am unworthy of love, affection, status or whatever just because of how I look
-I can't keep living as if I am not valuable
-I can't keep making or accepting excuses
-I can't stay trapped in this body forever

I may never be a size two. I may never be beautiful. I may never lose another single pound. God can decide to keep me exactly HERE if He so choses. But change starts right now. Tonight, the very last excuse was made for my body. Tonight, my body held me back for the very last time. Tonight, my body left its weakness on the football field at Wake Forest-Rolesville High School. I will be strong, I will be healthy, I will be beautiful, and I will be called worthy for the glory of God Almighty.

I don't want your cliches, I don't want the empty words you're "supposed" to say at the end of something like this. But I DO want you to say "goodbye" to Bekah as you know her. That girl died tonight. I absolutely covet your prayers and support as I press on toward godliness and self-discipline and as I strive to break the bonds of slavery that my body has over me.

1 Corinthians 9.24-25:²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. ²⁵Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.


To The King and for His glory, forever and ever.

MONDAY, May 23, afternoon

Something inside me told me not to go. We were supposed to go back to Atlanta on Sunday afternoon, but I bitterly cried at the thought. Maybe it was because 24 hours is not enough time to spend in Columbus when this was my first visit in 6 months. Maybe it was because Saturday was such a lovely day-- I flew home, I was reunited with my parents, I flopped puppy ears and squished puppy faces for hours, I dug through a bag of treasures brought to me from the Caribbean, I got to see Nana and Papa, I got to pray for my best friend between contractions, I spent time with the friends who had become like family (and the ones I love the most, at that: Nathan, Ashley, the Rices, LB, T-Nip, Blake and Barak, and a few others), and, best of all, sweet Emma Grace entered the world at about 10pm. Best night ever. Maybe it was because seeing who I saw made my whole heart ache. Maybe it was because being here in these moments makes this place feel more like home than any other place in the entire world. It’s not that I’ve made a mistake-- Southeastern is where I am supposed to be, Wakefield is where I am supposed to be, but Columbus unequivocally has my heart and when I leave this place, there is a ripping that I can feel, like it’s wrong when I leave, like it’s wrong that I’m “doing life” somewhere else. And though I know I am “doing life” in the right place for now, I absolutely do not feel like this when I leave Raleigh. Raleigh doesn’t haunt me when I’m away and her people don’t haunt me for weeks like he does... But maybe it was because everything about Columbus feels fleeting. Time here is so short. The people I love here are either fragile or they are the strongest that I know. In both cases, I am compelled to love harder, to work harder to maintain, and to return.

I am thankful for my incredible seminary, for the professors there who teach me more than book-stuff and who take the time to know me, for the seminarians who I have met, who I have shared many laughs with, and who I have traveled the world with. I am thankful for my sweet church, for the opportunity I have had to serve, for the men who teach and guide me, for the adorable children and for their parents who allow me to love their children. There is no way I could complete my education (in both the seminary and church sense of that word) here in the same way. But if I could uproot Southeastern and all that comes with it and if I could serve and learn and grow at Wakefield, but I could do it all here, I would in a heartbeat. If I could have everything that I love about Raleigh with me in Columbus, I feel like I would be complete. 

How in the world am I SUPPOSED to be there when I feel like this place is home. How can I be in two places at once? I can’t possibly, but that is absolutely what I feel like is happening to me.

SUNDAY, May 22, breakfast

For months and months, we’ve been trying to get her out of the house, to take her somewhere besides the doctor’s or her hairdresser. Time and time again, plans to go to the mall or out to lunch have been axed at the last minute, most the time at his command, but sometimes, out of her exhaustion (which, I secretly wonder if it’s just her way to shut him up, or to make him feel like he’s right). When she found out I was coming home, she got so excited. She told me we’d go shopping for my birthday, have lunch at the Ruby Tuesday, and share some chocolate cake. With Mom coming into town, too, it would be just like when I was a little girl and the three of us would spend an entire Saturday at the mall--hair, nails, clothes, treats. 

The whole family woke up and got ready. It was just like old times--the guys cooking a big breakfast and the girls getting dressed up. Mom cozied up next to Nana at the kitchen counter and went through the day’s plans with her: 

“We’ll have breakfast, then we will go to the mall and do a little shopping. We can have lunch together, then come home and pack. Bekah can go see Casey and the baby, then Ken wants to be on the road by 5.”

“I’m too tired today.” And with that, Nana walked away and Mom and I stared at each other, dumbfounded and disappointed. Weeks of planning out the window in four flat words.

SUNDAY, May 22, bedtime

Something inside tells me that I should be writing everything down; Consciously making memories with the intent to keep them, as if this is my last chance to make them. Like how her nose crinkles when she giggles or gets tickled at herself. Like how her shoulders squish up to her ears, and the little excited wave she gives when she comes around the corner and sees me sitting there, as if she forgot I was even there in the first place. Which she very well may have; I told her three separate times that I’d be staying a few extra days, and each time telling her was like the very first time. She’s been forgetting a lot lately. Even still,

“Oh Nana! You’re so much stronger than you were this time last year!”

“Yep, she’s come a long way in the last year”, Papa agreed.

“I set the table for dinner and I did all my walking between the kitchen and the dining room” she said, more so for her own edification than for our knowledge. Maybe she was trying to cover up the wheelchair she was sitting in. She got up and disappeared around the corner, probably to put on her night cream and her other Southern lady potions and serums.

“I’m exhausted” he confessed. “It’s been a hard year and I’m tired.” And with that, he went to bed and left me sitting there in the kitchen, wondering if I falsely imagined her strength and wondering if I’ve got a second person to worry about now. 

My Other Blog -- B's Blossoms

Hey y'all! After many requests, I have made a blog for the items I have created! Check out B's Blossoms to view some of my pieces! Leave a comment and tell me what you think!

Lately...

Lord, I am ruined; woe unto me! Take my hands! Take my feet! I will follow where You lead. Here am I. Send me!

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 14

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

We're far apart and we don't get to talk as much as we used to, but I definitely cannot imagine what my life would be now or what it would have been like without my Little, Casey. We have years of memories, laughs, ups, and downs. Field trips, mixers, parties, vacations, pajama days, classes, weddings, family, world travel, deaths, and now, an expected birth. We've been through thick and thin and I can't imagine sharing what we have shared with anyone else. I'm so glad and I feel so blessed that God put such an amazing friend by my side!

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 13

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

OMStars. Easiest Pic of the Day Everrrrr!!

HANSON!!!!!!!!!!

And what kinda blog about Hanson would be complete without this shot of my life being completed?!

Oh yes. Me. And Taylor. Just a-walkin' and a-talkin'. Under my umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 12

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

I love to worship King Jesus! I love, especially, being in a worship service and knowing that in that moment in time, there is nothing better or more important I could possibly be doing. 

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 11

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

I think a video may do a better job conveying today's subject than a picture would.

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 10

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the silliest things with.

This is an ode to Casey--by bestie, my Little, the other half of my brain. 

Here is a picture of us when we 'bout done lost our minds at the Phi Mu Leadership Conference.

I love this girl so much and we have been through it ALL together. I am so looking forward to continuing our legacy with her little Legacy, Emma Grace, due this May :)

M.O.H.zilla and Bridezilla in the party bus for Bachelorette Party #2

CSU Graduation 

Right after Bob proposed!

One of the MANY, many, many meals we shared at El Vaquero

Bliss putting us in jail (and us showing how many times we may or may not have been sent to Discipline...)

Got along without you before I met you, but I can't live without you now :O)

I love you, Little! Thanks for being silly with me!!

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 9

Day 9 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

No long, drawn-out explanation. The person who has gotten me through the most is my Daddy. No contest!

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 8

Day 8 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Oh man! I totally couldn't pick just one...or two...or three...so here is a handful of pictures that make me laugh. Enjoy!

Here is a watermelon-0-lantern from Souled Out Summer 2010

Scott's awesome victory dance skills on croquet day in the park (Labor Day 2010)

 HANSON!! I got to meet Hanson! Me and Taylor!!!!

 My cat loved Nicholas! Whenever he would come to town, Button never left his side.

Ever.

A surprise birthday fiesta for my Little at El Vaquero. I'm pretty sure she hated me for this, but if you're having a birthday and you're in Columbus, the El Vaq hat is a MUST! 

Josue and Daniel, two of my second graders. These little boys kept me in stitches the entire year. I miss them, their antics, and especially their stories!

Two more of my second graders, Alejandro and Jennifer. I was convinced that they would get married!

Aaand, I saved the best for last. JoJo and me at the Rankin Halloween party back in '05. Yes, I'm pretending to fart on him. No, it's not ladylike. Yes, I still think it's funny.   ;)

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 7

Day 7 - A picture of your most treasured item.

I've thought about this post for days. I've looked probably at everything I own and asked myself "is THIS my most treasured item?" or "If my house was burning down, what would be the first thing I grab?" 

And I really don't have an answer.

There was definitely a point in my life where I had a list of things that I would have to get--my Bible, my viola, my wallet, my pictures, some of my favorite CDs. I actually had a box (when I was still living at home) that was like my "fire box" where I kept most of those things just in case.

I think God has really broken me of materialism since coming to seminary; Not because I feel like it's wasteful or because I'm sad about all of the poverty around the world or because of any "Mother Theresa"ish reason...My priorities have just been adjusted and I've come to realize that my stuff is just stuff and I don't think I would use the word "treasured" to describe any of it. Some of it is very valuable, a lot of it has strong emotions attached; I might not be able to afford to replace it all and I might miss a memory-touchstone, but at the end of the day...it's just stuff.

So what do I treasure (since that's the word in today's challenge)? 

The Truth of Christ Jesus--who He was/is, what He did/does, who I am today because of Him, and the hope of who I will be when I am physically in His presence. Just the thought of one day BEING in His presence the way the Bible tells us we will be is a treasured thought. I can't wait to stop thinking about bills and my schedule and my to-do list and everything else and just focus on worshipping Him. 

To be credited with His righteousness and to have the hope of Christ and to be reconciled to the Creator...THAT is what I treasure most.

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 6

Day 6 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

I don't have a picture for this one because no picture exists. The person I'd like to trade places with is Future Me...as in...me in the future...me in 15ish years. I'd like to see the woman I'll become, I'd like to know the stuff I'm going to know, to see (hopefully!) my husband and kids, and to see what I'm doing with my time so that maybe Now Me could come up with some goals to work toward or some answers to give people when they ask "What do you plan to do after seminary?". I have a lot of questions and wonderings that only God (and Future Me...possibly) knows the answers to. 

Plus, I really don't envy anyone else's life to the point where I'd actually want to trade places with him/her for the day :) My journey is special and unique and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

(Dang...if 12 Year Old Me knew that Now Me would feel like this about our life...I would have been a much more content kid! HAHAHA)

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 5

Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory.

Um...seriously?! Just one favorite memory? I don't have just one, but here is a picture of one of the coolest things I have experienced in my life!

This picture was taken in Mumbai, India last January. While I was teaching piano, the woman in the blue came into my room and sat on the floor in front of me. I asked if she was there for a lesson, and she said "no". After a few minutes of her just sitting there and staring at me, I asked again if she would like to learn to play and she said "no". I rephrased this question a few more times, and she kept saying "no", so I finally asked if she was there just to listen and she said...you guessed it..."no". 

Convinced that there was just some huge language barrier, I decided to keep teaching my student while I waited for the translator to return. While teaching, the woman just started speaking. She told me that her right arm had been paralyzed for years. I left the piano and sat on the floor in front of her. She told me how she had been to many doctors and even had exploratory surgery and they couldn't find a cause or a cure. She had met some people from my group the night before and she had heard them speaking about God. She asked if I thought my God could heal her. After talking a while about power and faith, the other students (who were in the room) and I gathered around her, laid hands on her, and prayed. 

For a while, nothing happened. I went back to teaching, the students went back to their assignments, and she continued to sit on the floor. A few minutes later, she LIFTED HER ARM IN THE AIR AND SHOUTED PRAISES TO THE LORD! He healed her! 

The room erupted in shouting and praises, so much so that the men who were in the next room came in, including the woman's husband. He looked at she and I with a very concerned look and I said "Tell him what happened! Tell him what happened!" but she was too overwhelmed to speak. She just lifted her arm in the air! He ran back out to get the other men and while he was gone, Kirk (the man in white) had come into our room and said "What happened? I saw this woman yesterday! She was paralyzed!" At that moment, I was able to snap this awesome picture of him high-fiving her no longer paralyzed arm :)

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 4

Day 4 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

I wish I could forget the hurt that came when we lost him. This Founder's Day, it'll be 4 years, but I still cry whenever I see his picture, whenever my Dad speaks of him in the present tense (as if nothing happened), and whenever I'm at Grandma's house and she has his bedroom door closed as if he never existed. He was so respected in life, but some have disrespected him in so many ways since he passed. It's to the point where my Dad and I have to leave the room sometimes when we're with certain people because of how they speak about him (specifically, about his mental state as he deteriorated) and because of how they act in his house.

A decorated war hero, a devoted husband and father, and (most importantly) a very firm believer in Christ Jesus, Grandpa, you are sorely missed. I love you more than I ever realized while you were still with us. You are so lucky to be with Jesus right now. I am heartbroken without you, but I am full of peace knowing that God has restored and healed you and that you are free of pain and that your body is complete. 

I just wish it didn't hurt so bad to remember you...

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 3

Day 3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

The Bachelor/The Bachelorette...makes no difference to me; I LOVE this show!!! It's hysterical and emotional and dramatic. What more could you want?!!

The 30 Day Challenge--Day 2

Day 2 - A picture of you and the person you are closest to

In each season of life, The LORD has blessed me with fabulous friends. In elementary school, it was Taryn. In middle and high school, it was Noel. In college, it was Casey. In seminary (even though we don't go to school together), it's Lauren. And if you can't tell us apart in the picture, well, that's proof positive that we're soulmates ;)

She and I met at church almost a year and a half ago. Though we met in North Carolina in our 20's, we soon realized that we went to elementary school together in Georgia (and we have the yellow 1993 yearbook to prove it!). She and I clicked like magic a few months after we met and we've been pretty much inseparable ever since (though she decided to be a grown up, save the world, play Elle Woods and up and move to Washington DC on me!). 

I love her to the moon and back! She and I are pretty much the same.exact.person. and we wouldn't have it any other way. I also am totally in love with her family (for many reasons, including the fact that they totally remind me of my own family...surprise, surprise!). Long story not-so-long, Lauren is the sprinkles on my doughnut. We've been through a lot in this past year-ish of being friends, and she literally knows everything about me. I am so thankful that God provided me with such an incredible friend. Meeting you, Lauren, and getting to know your family is what has turned this town into my "home". I love you :)

the 30 Day Challenge--Day 1

Day 1 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

Fact 1--I love the beach, I love the mountains, I love quaint towns, and I love being the only person around, but I will never be able to live more than a stone's-throw away from the city.
Fact 2--I'm either super quiet and shy or bold and in-your-face. I haven't figured out how to balance the 2 in day-to-day life.
Fact 3--I love cooking for and entertaining a crowd.
Fact 4--I pretty much hate it when others use my bathroom. I keep it tidy and super cute for guests, but I get the heebie jeebies thinking about someone else's butt touching my toilet.
Fact 5--I think I'm more of a sorority girl now than I was when I was actually in a sorority!
Fact 6--I'm a lot smarter than people perceive me to be.
Fact 7--I want to be around children, youth, and students for the rest of my life. I love pouring into others and watching them grow and thrive.
Fact 8--I think I've learned more in the last year and a half than I have in my whole entire life. I also think that I'll be a life-long student. I can't imagine my life without school.
Fact 9--I sleep with the electric blanket on every night, even in the summer.
Fact 10--I love my car but I HATE driving. I also prefer taking my car places (like, when a group of us goes out together), but I never want to drive and I don't really like for other people to drive my car. I hate having to make that decision whenever we go anywhere.
Fact 11--The older I get, I realize more and more how finicky and particular I am. I like to act like I'm laid back and care free, but I am VERY meticulous.
Fact 12--On the other hand, I do tend to be quite spontaneous and adventurous. 
Fact 13--I think I like Swarovski  crystals more than I like diamonds.
Fact 14--It takes me longer to put on mascara than it does to do the rest of my makeup and my hair combined. If I could wear false eyelashes in real life, I totally would.
Fact 15--I'm rejoining orchestra this week. It's been 6 years since I've been on stage and I. Can't. Wait.